Why do we hate getting help so much? Mostly, it is because we are proud. We are too proud to ask for help.
There is another reason we might not want help.
It is possible that in your past, you have let someone in, you have allowed someone to help you, and trusted them. And they betrayed that trust. The truth is that we are all broken people.
People that say they believe in God and atheists, people that go to church and people that don’t, are all likely to do the wrong thing. We all sin, and we all fight our selfish desires. However, Jesus does not. Don’t make the mistake of judging Christ on His church. While we are called to represent him here on earth, we also struggle with life, and sometimes we are not a good example of Him. But you need help. You know you do. Find someone, someone you trust, and ask for help.
Independence is antithetical to existence. We were created to be a part of something bigger. We were created by a community driven God, to be a part of a community.